I posted photos from my weekend on Facebook, and one of my friends messaged me, saying "it is great seeing pictures of you happy... you aren't faking it, are you?"
Except for one minor internal setback Saturday night, I spent the weekend enjoying my friends.
It felt good. I felt..happy.
I have been faking happiness for so many years. It seemed easier to please others by plastering a smile on my face then to actually look inside and pursue what I needed for my own happiness.
But those days are past. I have worked way too hard to dig myself out of my abyss to risk slipping back down.
One of my favorite existentialists, Albert Camus, said,"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."
My happiness is too important to fake it for the benefit of others. If I cannot find happiness in your company, then don't be surprised when your company I no longer keep.
And so, with a happy heart, I replied to his message. "Nah - faking it never works out..."
Love,
"Jill"
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