Today I cried

Today I cried. For soo many reasons.



1) A bone marrow biopsy to rule out cancer.
Lately I have been extremely exhausted, running fevers at random, and unexplained bruising all over my body that people are asking if I need help. Like I'm being abused or something.
Let me just tell you of the horrors of that test... You are WIDE AWAKE while they take a giant needle that looks like the doodad you use to patch up a car tire, and they drive it into the backside if your hip bone. You feel the pressure, the cracking/crunching of your iliac bone, and Yes... The Pain.
They "numb" the general area but guess what... You still feel it!
They won't knock you out for it.. I asked/begged for that and was denied.


2) The waiting for an answer and panic in the possibility of cancer again.


3) Came home to find a fawn crying out for its mother who apparently abandoned it; and while I didn't give a damn about falling into the creek bed, I was very upset that I couldn't catch the baby to foster it. To protect it from predators, but was more upset at the seemingly deadbeat mother who left it behind. It looked to be only a few weeks old at most.

4) The sadness felt over missing someone I love (You). Wondering where life went wrong there.


So after my physical and emotional breakdown (much needed), I got a call letting me know that cancer was ruled out (Thank You God), but I'm not out of the woods yet...
But at least it's not the "Big C"


Then I caught a Blue Jay eating out of the cat food bowl which brought a smile to my face

The best was when I walked back outside to find that not only the little fawn was still there but that its sibling and its mother all found each other.


Normally I'm not so emotionally fractious, but today had just been sh*t mostly... Pain meds make me nuts so that didn't help either.


Going to bed now. While all is right in my world.

I love you.

Love,

"Jill"