Dear Joe,

and pillow fights at Target.
Love, “Jill”

Messages in a Bottle

I wrote that letter to you sitting at the Italian restaurant that you took me on our first date; ordered the very same lasagna, the very same iced tea.

I had the place practically to myself and sat there wishing that you were there with me, while hoping I could just have the place to myself.

The few minutes I did steal, I used to write out this letter which will never got to you as I couldn't bring myself to send it..

Someday, I hope you finally receive it no matter how it gets to you.

Dinner wasn't the same without you, that place didn't feel the same either.

I'm not sure you know how much you had impacted my life, the places we went are now places I just cant go anymore. The memories attached are too painful to face.

I'm scared that if I went to those places with someone else, I would probably hate every minute of it.

I have tried so very hard to forget and let go because these things only serve to hurt me, and I find it just ridiculous that I can forget everything else! But not these memories.

Maybe I'm not ready to... maybe I never will.



Love, "Jill"

Meteor Showers

It seems like this is all I am ever doing... yet still waiting for them to come true.

I guess that is what you get when you wish for the impossible.

Yet, I will never stop

Dear Joe,
It was always You.

Thank you for being the greatest love of my life.
I love you more than I could ever say.
Love, “Jill”

Eat at Joe's

Dear Joe,

 I friend of mine came to SF for a mini vacation and wanted to eat at the Wharf, specifically at Joe's Crab Shack.

She's from New Jersey and they do have them there so I thought that it was odd that she chose a place that has locations in her home area.

Turns out the infamous "SF Bush Man" was who she wanted to see but we found out that he had sadly passed away some years back :(

We dined there anyway... and I snapped a pic of the menu because it had your name on it.

*Duh*

I told her about how I would drag you places that had your name on/at it and have you pose for pictures with it.

She was amused, it brought back some fond memories :)

Hope you are doing well

Love, "Jill"

Genie, you're free.

Dear Joe,

As I am sure you know Robin Williams died today. 

Of Suicide.

I can't tell you how upset this makes me feel; even though I didn't personally know him. 

Weird

But I think it is more of the pain and isolation he must have been feeling all this time that finally did him in.

It's so sad. Even the strongest mind can't overcome sometimes....

Depression is a very ugly battle.

I should know.

I've lost precious friends and family members to this, and almost myself.

http://www.iflscience.com/brain/identifying-and-overcoming-depression

I remember being told that he suffered from Alcoholism, Depression, and Drug Addiction but could never understand how someone so seemingly happy, funny, and charismatic could be depressed?!
Boggles the mind.

But I guess having to live your life "on stage" 24/7 can get tiresome and at some point you need to take a break and relax. I think he felt that he had to keep "In Character" all the time. That would be too much pressure for me or anyone to deal with.

I am shocked at Robin Williams death..

Someone who can make people so happy and wonderful is lacking in his own personal life. In these times of bankers leaping out of high rise windows, men and women who as others look at their lives think they have every thing you should ever want but the inner person is dying alone, feeling left out of this world. And when millions love him and still takes his own life because anything is better than living the life they live now.. this speaks of severe pain and anguish. Something most people will never know.
Those are the lucky ones.

 RIP to a beloved man who made every one laugh and brought life to others when the light he felt inside him never glowed.

It was more than I could take so I signed off Facebook and Twitter, had a good cry (this just hit too close to home), and came to blog a little and find some peace.

My hope is that Robin has finally found his.

I miss you.

Love,
"Jill"