Dear Joe,
Lately I have been having these weird dreams over and over again. Same theme, different people and places, but with always the same answer.
I can't remember who it was (a former teacher I think) that told me if someone tells you the same thing 3 times consistently, then take it to be truth. I don't know how much merit to give that but in my dreams the past few nights, I absolutely believe it in this case.
Basically it boiled down to me dreaming of being somewhere, with someone I knew (at least seemed to have "known" who they were in my dreams), that kept trying to come on to and make the moves on me.
Each and every time I said "No" and pushed them away. When asked why not?, I always replied because you are not Joe. I love him, not you.
At that point is usually where the dream ends and I wake up. Usually in tears... and irritated that these "people" that are invading my REM cycles aren't listening to me telling them "No".
I pray that it will be you there in my dream one night. Even if it's just once.
Please be there. Because I will be there waiting for you.
I'm not sure what all of this means entirely with the obvious that I miss you terribly and still am very much in love with you. I just had a shitty way of showing it in the past.
Again, this is something I have apologized profusely for to you, as well as continuously beaten myself up over it for years now.
I am trying to "loosen up the noose around my neck" in regards to this, but it's not an easy process. I hope one day I will get there.
On an unrelated note... I saw a Semi Truck on the freeway yesterday on my way home with a giant Oregon Duck's mascot Duck Head on the back of it... I smiled and thought of you.
*same head/face, just minus the body*
Love,
"Jill"
No comments:
Post a Comment