Nightmares and Dreamscapes

Dear Joe,

Interestingly enough I rarely dream about people that are/were a part of my life, mostly its people that I do not know, never seen before, or people without faces.... its weird lol

Last night for the first time in a LONG time I had a dream about you, but this time I actually saw you, saw your face, you were standing next to me.

Initially I was in a kitchen in a house I assume that was yours and there was a letter on the table for me to read.

I opened it and read it, I do remember actually reading your words that said something to the effect that you had moved on, you were in a relationship that you worked hard to get, and that you were happy.

In my dream I didn't really react which was strange to me, and then when I went to leave the kitchen, you came out of nowhere with a huge smile on your face and tears in your eyes... I was confused.

Then your mom appeared and said Hello then introduced me to her new husband who in the dream was very lovely to me.

I didn't know what to make of it all. I just stood there totally confused.

Then a second later you and I are standing in a horse arena watching the gelding that I ride, run around.

Again, you were all smiles and joking with me... then you gave me a hug which I swore I felt in real life, and that is when I woke up.

It was all too realistic, yet it made NO SENSE.

Thinking back, I wish I could have stayed asleep so that I could have spent more time with you.

Maybe it will happen again.

This time I hope I speak up.

Love, "Jill"

Major Changes

Dear Joe,


Lots of changes have happened since I last wrote here.


The worst of it all is that Carl sustained a major stroke on January 3rd., had surgery to remove the clot on his brain, and will most likely be wheelchair bound for the rest of his life.


I know you both enjoyed each others company, and I damn near tried to contact you to tell you what happened... but what would that have accomplished? So I left it alone.


So I'm leaving it here.


Carl is and has been currently living in an Acute Care Facility which he is not happy about, can barely talk, has to learn how to swallow and move his arm & leg again.


He is paralyzed (at this time) on one side of his body, not to mention he lost a ton of weight so he looks like a Holocaust victim.


Its incredibly hard for me to write this without getting overly emotional, so I am going to stop here.


I wanted to let you know what happened to him... he liked you a lot.


Love, "Jill"

Fearless Ambitions

Dear Joe,

So you probably noticed a long absence in between postings, of at least a few years.

I had to step away from "writing to you" because I needed some more time to heal.

I noticed that I really wasn't getting any relief from letting my thoughts and feelings out; I needed to give my heart a break.

With me being as relentless as I am on myself, it had to happen. But I am back now, and I tried reading through old posts... Not gonna lie, it was some of the saddest stuff I have ever read.

It scared the shit out of me.

Normally one would delete it all and pretend it never happened, but that is not going to happen here.

Maybe someone out there needs to know they aren't alone in this, someone who is or has gone through the exact same situations or something close to it.

I hope like hell no one thinks I am a source of inspiration or advice because its obvious I am still hanging onto the past when I should have moved on by now.

Love has no timeline, I know that much.

It is my hope that someday soon, I can finally let go, move on, and live my life without being scared of making new memories.

Avoiding the old has become a profession of mine, some days are worse than others... but I'll keep trying because I know that is what you yourself would do.

I still miss you.

All day. Everyday.

Love, "Jill"

True Story
Love, “Jill”

How?

Dear Joe,
How do I find my way back to you?

Forever Yours

I fell in love with you, I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know where... but I did.