Jury Duty

Dear Joe,

Today was 50 shades of SUCK.
So I had to appear for my civic duty as a U.S. Citizen for Jury Duty. Of course I was dreading it as I have never personally found these events to be an enjoyable experience. However, they are now really bringing out the "big guns" by adding the "potential to meet a special someone" or "make new friends" in the video that is required to watch before one enters the court room for selection.

True Story. I almost laughed. and gagged...
*get real*

While in the middle of silently begging God for mercy on my soul and allowing me to be one of the chosen groups to be excused, my name was called to be in the Pre Selection Group that was to head upstairs to the courtroom where we were to meet the attorneys, the defendant, and to hear what the case was all about.

This is when I had a total melt down.

There were 2 attorneys and the defendant. No Plaintiff was seen. Why? Because she was a Minor.




As the judge explained what the trial was about, in a split second I was in tears and wanted to get sick. The man next to me and one of the officers in the room asked if I was OK and if I needed anything.




All I could say was "Please get me off this case... I can't be on this case. Please give me something else... I can't do this".

I snapped.




Old Painful Memories that I did not want to ever revisit, resurrected themselves all over again. The weak sick feeling hit me like a freight train that I could not outrun.




I was excused from the courtroom of course, and took my paperwork that we were all given to fill out with further questions to assess eligibility to sit on the jury for that case, and went downstairs into another room to fill out.




My handwriting looked like I was in the middle of a seizure. I didn't care... I wanted the hell out of there fast.

It is painfully obvious that today hit a major nerve with me and shown that there is a part of my past that I really need to finally deal with, let go of, and move on from.

No one should ever be reduced to a crying shaking mess in less than a second, unless it is good news.

This was anything but that.

By the grace of God I was excused from Jury Duty... I guess they didn't like my answers when filling out the questionnaire ;)


I couldn't be a part of that Jury anyway... That was too much for me to handle emotionally. I broke into a cold sweat just being in the courthouse knowing why I was being called there.


Guess I should see someone about these unresolved issues of mine.

Then I saw this.. Made me think of you because this is something you would arrange.

and then I went back to crying.


That is something I seem to be doing a lot of lately. Right now, I am going to just do what I wanted to and crawl in bed, hide away from the world, and cry myself to sleep.

Today was too much. Too painful.

Just too real.


Talk to you soon.


Love,


"Jill"