Uncle Owen

Dear Joe,

Who is Uncle Owen??

Guess I could Google it and find out. Maybe then this would be funny to me.

Love,
"Jill"

Yang'd It

Today I was on FIRE at work.

I rocked that surgery bench like I owned it. Precision and perfection... I didn't want it to end. I even let out a sigh of displeasure when it was time to go to lunch. For which my coworkers were amused.

Of course.
Simpletons.

I had a "Christina Yang" day. And Dear God I hope there are a TON more like it on a daily basis in the immediate future.
No pressure ;)

So now with the ability to prove myself at work, people are getting nervous. It has been said that there are 2 people (not one of them) in my department who are going to be on the chopping block before the New Year.
I am expected to rise up further in the surgical rankings by December in order to facilitate the losses of these individuals.
This I am not too excited about, but it is not my decision. I hope they understand.
It is nothing personal on my end... I just have the need to push myself to be the best in everything I do, and this job is my passion... There is no choice.

Love,

"Jill"

Messages from Above

Dear Joe,

After coming back from the barn today, trying to get over the loss of "Zoe" yesterday, I saw this lying on the ground outside.

At first I passed it by, but I immediately thought of "Zoe". And the belief that loved ones that are no longer here on earth, put things in your path that would get your attention. A "divine message" if you will.

I know that is a far fetched idea, but I have to believe that after all of the tears shed, for not knowing she had a cancerous growth in her heart that needed to be addressed, and guilt felt for not being there for her when she crashed... That this was a "sign" that she is happy, and knew she was loved.

Ironically if I count the hearts, they all equal the whole family.

I don't care if people think I'm crazy to think this was from her. Because I do. I have to in order to let go and be at peace with her passing.

It has only been a day and I can't expect to just move on that quickly, but things like this make it easier to let go.

Something that I still have not mastered the art of.
I am afraid I may never will.

Love,

"Jill"

Bridges

Dear Joe,

Zoe died today.

I am not sure of the details, just that she collapsed at home and the folks rushed her to the vet. Her heart stopped and was pronounced "Dead" twice. Yet she came back each time.

The third time was not a charm. She had a seizure and took her last breath.

I know that out of the 3, you said she was your favorite. She needed to be someones favorite, and I just wanted to Thank You for being that person.
"Shelby" will always be mine, and I loved Zoe. I rescued her from an abused home to which she might have not lived very long.

Yet she was always the "outcast". I don't think she ever felt that she fit in sadly.

As I write this tonight, tears streaming down my face and onto my keyboard, I always thought of her when I would see the paw print magnet that says "Who Rescued Who?"
I think we rescued each other.

It has been a journey of patience, healing, and of course, Love.
Many times she tested my limits but I realize SHE was the teacher, I was the student.
Time and effort bring about great things, but it's Love that conquers all.

I just wanted to tell you she has passed. And to Thank You for choosing her as your "favorite olive."

Love,

"Jill"

Ridiculousness

Dear Joe,

Here is something that I am sure you will find all too humorous...

While watching the 3rd Star Wars, I was a crying mess. YES, Crying.

I don't remember this when I watched those movies with you, that there were these Kangaroo-like things that people rode on in the snow.
After Googling it, they are called Tauntons. Yeah OK... I was not at all prepared for the cute noises and how seemingly sweet they were.
Yet, Luke (I think that was the character) had it coming to him when he got smacked off that animal... It was scared because it sensed or saw something threatening coming and Luke just sat there.
Then the Taunton got sacked.

This is where I was a sniveling mess. Then not too much later in the movie you see another one drop dead in the snow... I'm guessing due to hypothermia?
Yep, still sniveling.

George Lucas, WTF?! Seriously?...

Anyway, I got emotional over this.
True Story.

I thought you might get a kick out of that.

I need more kleenex.

Love,
"Jill"

Life is Messy

Dear Joe,

Today sucked. On a grand scale.

I just found out that one of my coworkers whom I like a lot, may not be there for much longer.
She got injured on the job, filed a workman's comp claim and now the company is playing dirty by demoting her, and giving her tasks that, while they are modified to suit her injury, they know she will not like it.

They are obviously trying to get her to quit so they don't have to pay unemployment, but she isnt budging.
However the site manager pulled her in his office to give her a heads up that corporate is trying to get rid of her but he is going to do everything he can to keep her on.

I think he's just "playing the part" and really won't do anything, or can do anything. If corporate wants it, it is going to happen regardless.

Either way, I lose another person I enjoy working with.
Today sucked.

And as every day... I miss you.

I don't believe the statement "Time Heals all Wounds". If that was the case I wouldn't have this tremendous ache in my heart still.
It's been going on for Years now... I fear it will never stop.

for my sake... I hope this Max Lucado guy is right.
So far, Nope. But I have to have faith that someday, I will.

I miss having my best friend there to be there beside me when I feel this way.

I miss You.

Love,
"Jill"

Got to have Faith

Dear Joe,

even if it glows in the dark. YES, it happened.

I found this little gem at a fair and had to have it.

I had an overwhelming urge to get all evangelistic and say "Can a commuter get an Amen?!" but I didn't want to offend anyone.

Though Im sure I will lose a few fingers later just for typing that.

I'm going to see "Carrie" at the theater tomorrow... I think I might take her with me.
*giggle*

Missing you,
"Jill"

Time Passing

Please tell me how to do this.

Love,

"Jill"

Paths

Dear Joe,

You know, I hear this being said all the time... Though I have a hard time believing it myself. Probably because I feel like the "path" is never ending, no light at the end of it.

I mean I know there is truth to it, but I just can't see it.

I guess that could be equated to God. You don't see him, but you know he's there; he exists.
Unless you are an Atheist. So I guess that blows that statement out of the water

Anyway, Im sure you get my point.

In other news...

Love,
"Jill"

Hope Floats

Dear Joe,

I don't know why I do these things to myself... More self imposed torture on my part.

Watched "Hope Floats" (love that movie), cried as I always do, but it really hit me when Garth Brooks "To Make You Feel My Love" came on that is when the tears fell like rain.

Nostalgia seems to be kicking my ass this evening, but I had to share.
Not sure why, but I felt compelled to. I think I feel that way because I kept all the emotions back in the past that I assume that you so badly wanted to see and hear from me then.

Better now than never I guess.

Love,
"Jill"

My Blue World

Dear Joe,

Not much to write, not much to say that is any different from any other day.

Heard this song a long time ago and largely had forgotten about it until today.

"God makes everything but unbreakable hearts"
Don't I know it.

Love,
"Jill"

20 AwesomeTips

Dear Joe,

I apologize for not writing much lately... I have essentially been given the "green light" to dive into my new job which is being back on the surgical table. I prayed for my "dream job" and I pretty much got it.

The company and pay leaves a lot to be desired but I think I might have already covered all that in a previous post (?). Anyway, while there are procedures I am well versed in, I have to learn their way.

I, for the most part, am enjoying myself and getting better and better each day. For the first time in YEARS I am feeling pretty proud of myself as well as impressed. I guess that is what it is all about, self satisfaction.

As much as I would love to tell you what it is that I am doing now and where, it is frowned upon to discuss your job, coworkers, etc... on a public forum, blog. So I will have to leave you to your imagination and previous knowledge of my career to steer you in the right direction.

On a different note... I saw this article online (divergence from doing research for work) and instantly fell in love with it.
Though for me, I read it as if it was an open letter to a woman by a woman.

I swapped out the scenarios, and Yes, I thought of you.
I always do.

20 Marriage Tips

Too little too late, but I'm glad I got to read that article. Sometimes it's good to be reminded how it feels to be in the others shoes, how to love them, how to love yourself in the process.

Love,
"Jill"