Angels

Dear Joe,

You were always mine.

Thank You for that.

Love,
"Jill"

Sweet Dreams

Love,
"Jill"

Memory Lane

Dear Joe,

This says it all. I pray I get to keep all of the sweetest memories; that they never leave my mind. Or at the very least, I can always find the "road" to them once again.

Love,
"Jill"

Today's Randomness

Dear Joe,

I don't have much time to write (busy at work), but wanted to share with you a few things that came my way today that made me think of you.

*of course, as always, I made a wish... for you*

*this needs no explanation*

*and this I just wanted to share with you... my board all finished. Ready for me to go risk death in the Pacific*

I hope you are having a great day and I will write more soon.

Missing you,

"Jill"

Moving on up

Dear Joe,

Well I think I may have found a place (Thank God), and get to go look at it tomorrow after work. It's just across town so I dont have to move very far, but I can't stand the packing and junk that goes with it all.

My prospective roommate seems like a really cool person so we shall see.

While I liked where I live currently, the loudness of my roommate and her family when they were there were just getting to be too much to handle. I'm not one for screaming and yelling to be heard.

Her son would smoke outside all the time but the house would smell like an ashtray when he came back in, and I recently discovered that my roommate herself was quite the drinker who also indulges in pot consumption on occasion. So naturally I want to get the hell out of there.

And I am.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well and I will write to you soon.

Love,
"Jill"

Beauty & Goodness

"I don't know when we'll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world.”
― Arthur Golden
Dear Joe,

I found this on my Facebook and thought of you.

Love,
"Jill"

Sage Advice

Dear Joe,

Today I had an interesting conversation with my best friend over the phone which to my surprise lasted a little over 4 hours.

She was telling me how she was lonely and wanting a good man in her life. When I asked her what her "perfect man" consisted of, the very first quality that she listed off was that this man had to be "well endowed", then the rest of her requirements fell right behind.
I laughed at that, and then asked her once more if that was truly the list by importance because if it was, IMO her priorities were way off.

Come to find out there was a most recent ex that embodied all but that 1 requirement of hers, due to years of steroid use. Other than that, he was a perfect 10.

This is when I had to just tell her my thoughts and feelings on this subject and why I felt that she shouldn't put too much emphasis on that 1 downfall. It can be worked around and isn't the end of the world.

This is when the subject of you came about. Yes, I told her the truth about what happened, what I did, and where it has landed me today. I told her to really think twice, maybe 3-4 times before totally writing this man off just because he doesn't "measure up" (couldn't help myself there).

Because it is increasingly hard to find someone who loves you for you. She has 3 children and one of them has a mental handicap and this ex of hers loved them all as if they were his own. RARE.

I told her despite my having a crazy family, a schitzo ex husband who was currently trying to screw up my life, and my major bouts of depression, you saw past all of that and loved me unconditionally. Something that I have not ever found to be plentiful within most of the Human Race.

She understood what I was trying to tell her.. To not let that man go. For any reason. That she did not want to end up in a similar situation that I am in.

I take that back... it was a 5 hour conversation, but 4 hours of it was talking about you. It was amazing to then start to remember things that never used to occupy my mind. I was pretty happy to have been able to dig up what I did in memories because I forget just about damn near everything these days.

I think she could tell how much I loved you by all the questions she was asking me. It was nice to get to talk to someone about it all. Not that I haven't done that already, but with a good friend.

Hopefully she will take my advice and not bail just yet. Give the guy a decent chance, and not run out of fear or that she is holding out for something that doesn't exist: Perfection.

Though I may debate that concept as you have been that person for me.

Love,
"Jill"

Time Wasted

Dear Joe,

I don't have anything different to say today, but felt these 2 images just said it all for me.

I understand that because of the past you experienced with me, the above pic will forever be the case.

I guess I deserve that.

Maybe one day you can see and understand that it is the below photo that is the most accurate.

I know that doesn't excuse what happened, or how it hurt you... Not trying to take away from that.

Couldn't if I tried. I beat myself up every day for it as if it was my job.

I hope one day I can remove the self imposed boxing gloves off and give myself a break.

Love, "Jill"

Storms

"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walk in."

It's still "rainy" where I'm at... but it looks like there is a rainbow trying to make it's way into the light.

Love,
"Jill"

 

Close to You

Dear Joe,

I don't know why, but when I heard this song for the first time, I thought of you.
Though, I never stopped.

Love,
"Jill"

Lucky Number 7

Dear Joe,

I am fairly certain that you have already seen this, but there is a 7 Hour Star Wars Documentary that is available on YouTube I thought I would share with you.

I dont know how many times I had watched the 2+ hour one on there... but this was the first I had seen of this one.

Enjoy

Love,
"Jill"

On the road once again...

Dear Joe,

Today my roommate decided she is going to sell her house and move into something more affordable.

So now once again, I get to go on the house hunt once more. I wish I didn't have issues living alone...
It would make things so much easier. Especially since I have until the end of April to find a place.

However waking up in the middle of the night all alone in your apartment to a gun in your face while getting robbed will make you think twice about ever being home alone again.

Scarred for life I guess.

It's not like you have been here before... but I live in a really pretty 2 story Craftsman Style home. My own bed & bathroom... its been pretty nice.

Though I have been tossing around the idea of moving just recently... more so an out of state move.

I had seen some really great jobs in Portland that I was considering, and applied to 2 of them. I don't know if I will get either one but what ever God has in store for me, I will gladly take.

I'm trying to get out of Contract Work and into something permanent. I want to settle somewhere, and just BE. Not constantly on the move or looking for another job. Seeking stability if you will.

That kind of existence in California is becoming scarce and hard to accomplish so now I have to really look at other options. It's kind of sad to say and to admit but I am pretty scared...

Scared to leave my family, my friends, the places I have known my whole life, and venture into/onto somewhere where I don't have those luxuries anymore. And of course, that would be the exact blueprint for that should Portland be where I end up.

Pathetic coming from someone my age, but its honest.

And No, you needn't worry about me contacting you if I am in Oregon. I would keep things just as they are now. I don't wish to rock the boat.


Again, I don't know why I'm telling you all this but just wanted you to know. Makes me feel better I guess.

I hope you are doing well.

Love,
"Jill"

11:11

Dear Joe,

I stumbled upon this when reading through my Twitter account today... Amazing timing, and Yes, I did.

"@TrulyCapricorns: #Capricorn : You are still my 11:11 wish."

Love,

"Jill'

I Wish I may, I Wish I might

I wished for your Forgiveness. I wished for your Love. I wished for your Friendship.

I wished for You.

I always do.

Love,
"Jill"

Happy Valentines Day

Dear Joe,

Last night while wallowing in nostalgia, I came across a few photos of a Valentines Day I believe to be in 2006 where you came and picked me up from work for lunch at Chevy's (I think?).

I had forgotten about taking photos of things, but when I saw what they were of, Of Course I would have!

Everything was hearts!!!

all except this last photo... I took that because of the airplane (took that one for you).

Maybe a cute "Gnome" but not a naked toddler... that kills it for me.

LOL couldn't help myself ;)

Happy Valentine's Day. I miss you.

Love,
"Jill"

Another Reminder

Dear Joe,

Today is Ash Wednesday (a fairly important day to Catholic's). Not only did my day consist of going to church, prayer, but also went and placed flowers at my Aunt and Uncle's grave.

I know they know about you, as I believe they are always watching over me, but I had the need to tell them about what was going on in my life which consisted of me talking to them about you too. I must of looked nuts sitting there talking to a head stone but I couldn't care less.

Strangely enough when I went to drive back home, I had the radio on and your name kept being mentioned, I saw a kid on the street with a UofO sweatshirt on, and then someone told me that the winner of the Westminster Dog Show was a dog by the name of "Joe".
Not that I am calling you or think you are a dog... just to clarify.

So once again, I drove home with my head just swimming in hearing your name mentioned over and over.
I had to beg for it to stop, for which it finally did.

I got home, checked my Facebook and saw this...

this is something you would do. It was about then I broke down into tears once more and realized how blessed I was to have had you in my life, to have been loved by you.

Thank You for that. You don't know how much that means to me.

and I did Thank Him. It was one of the things I prayed for in church today... I am eternally grateful.

Love,
"Jill"

Forever

This is where I keep you.

Love,
"Jill"

Star Wars V Card



Dear Joe,

While reading "The Best of Craig's List" I stumbled across this little gem and I immediately thought of You (of course) and the Star Wars Marathon we shared.

Enjoy!



best of craigslist > asheville > Wanna break my Star Wars cherry?

Originally Posted: Sun, 1 Jan 16:47 EST

Wanna break my Star Wars cherry?

Yes, it's true, I've never seen "Star Wars." I was 14 years old when the original came out (you do the math) and somehow I never managed to see it, or any of the sequels.

It's time. I'm ready to hand in my Star Wars V-card.

I know this might seem like pretty hot stuff to some of you, introducing a Star Wars virgin to the film that shaped you into the person that you are, developed your sense of virtue and cultivated your concepts of right and wrong. Imagine how hot will it be to sit next to me as I experience -- for the first time! -- the foundation upon which you've not only built your entire personality, but with which you've cultivated the purpose of your heart and the direction of your soul. It will be no less than miraculous, I'm sure. A spiritual epiphany.

This is a one-time offer. I mean, once it's busted, there's no getting my Star Wars cherry back, ya know? So I want it to be good. I want my first time to be memorable. Special. I want the build-up, the excitement, the breathless anticipation, all of it. I want you to tease me with your superior Star Wars wisdom until I'm begging you to please please PLEASE put it in, put it in!! Put the DVD in the player and start the movie! I want you to hold my hand as I submit for the first time to the marvel and wonder of this grand event. I might even be okay with some costumes and role playing before the movie starts, but I'd have to be really comfortable with you. Size matters (no matter what they tell you), so obscenely large screens to the front of the line, and surround sound is a must.

So how about it? Do you think you are the one to cure me of my Star Wars purity? Tell me why.

**Please note this is NOT an offer or request for any sort of sexual activity but I probably won't want to see you again, which is why I consider this a casual encounter.**

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 2778342076

Love,

"Jill"

Always

I love you... Always

First, Last, Only

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - ...you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking of you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." - Bob Marley

and Forgive her.
- Me

Love,

"Jill"

Everywhere

Dear Joe,

It seems like lately everywhere I look, I see Oregon or Star Wars things. I am almost always behind someone with an Oregon License Plate or college stickers.
Today a person with a Storm Trooper sticker on the back of their window jumped in front of me on my commute home from work.

Of course, you immediately popped into my mind. I had also seen someone who had Star Wars figures that represented their "family" on the back of their car rather than the original "stick figure family" that started that whole trend off.
It was pretty original, but again I thought of you.

It really doesn't take much for you to come to mind... it never has. I just wanted to share this with you because I can't stop thinking about and missing you.

I thought given the amount of time that has passed, it would have gotten easier to let go but it hasn't. It is hard to admit that but it's the truth.

I miss you.

Love,
"Jill"

Kids... Lack thereof

Dear Joe,

I saw this and it reminded me of you.

Love,

"Jill"

Motorcycles and Day Dreams

Dear Joe,

Somewhere in my neighborhood there is someone who rides a street bike that sounds exactly like yours.

Usually the only times I hear it is at night after I get home from work or on the weekends when I am home.

At that time I close my eyes and imagine it is you on that bike... That maybe it just might be, you coming to get me.

Far fetched seeing as you do not know where I live now, but one can dream.
That is about all I have these days and I cherish each and every one that you are a part of.

Love Always,
"Jill"

Lost and Found

Dear Joe,

While rummaging through boxes looking for my surgical tools, I came across a few items I had forgotten that I had; priceless gifts from you.

My heart just about stopped when I pulled this out of the Ziploc bag I had stored this in all these years. You even had my name stitched in pink on the front.

I found the flag you had flown over Iraq for my birthday in the shadowbox that you had made for it.
My Mosque alarm clock on the other hand... that didn't survive the move. But I do remember that birthday you called me and let me hear the bells of the Mosque in Afghanistan because you knew I would really enjoy that.

I also found a photo collage frame that I had filled with pictures of you while I was living with Mark, when we first started dating. I don't think you ever saw that, but I'm not about to post those pics here.

I did manage to find my tools, but really I found a whole lot more. I found someone who really truly loved me and his memories that I have still.

Unfortunately, I don't have everything anymore... but what I do have, I cherish and will keep with me until the very end.

My most favorite of them all...



I wear it all the time. On my left hand. Because I don't love or want anyone else.
Thank you for being there for me, Thank you for always trying to bring a smile to my face,
Thank you for being you.

I love you. Always

"Jill"

Happy 60th Birthday Peter Pan

Dear Joe,

Someone told me today that it was Peter Pan's 60th Birthday today and of course that brought back memories of you and I in Disneyland. That being the very first ride I took you on, and we continued that tradition each time we went there after.

Happy Birthday to Peter Pan, and I miss my Disneyland buddy. It is just not the same without you.

Love,
"Jill"

Mondays, Marinas, and Memories

Dear Joe,

As I am writing to you, I am sitting in the Italian restaurant that you took me to the first time we met; just before moving your boat from Richmond to Vallejo.




*we sat somewhere down there the first time we came here*

 While it is not night time like when we came here, nor am I sitting at the table we sat at, I did order what you said came highly recommended.... the Lasagna. Our first dinner together.

Its beautiful here. The sun is just about to set and I have the most wonderful view...
What is missing that would make it perfect is You.

Ironically while trying to photograph and find the restaurant, I too got stuck driving around that big "island" in that Parking Lot. I HAD to laugh and say "Look Kids... Big Ben, Parliament!"
Which I remember exactly that moment in time. Its one I hope out of everything, I never forget.





*the Parking Lot that I remember your truck parked at*



*Look Kids.. Big Ben, Parliament!*

I of course found my way yet it was so strange to walk through that big green door without you.

It's just me... Table for 1 tonight. But I try to imagine you sitting across from me here.


The Lasagna is just as I remembered it. However I don't remember it having so much "greenery" on it.
Oh Well... nothing that a fork cant take care of.

I have the whole place to myself.. Its almost haunting. Although not as disturbing as the seemingly Hispanic music that is being piped in the speakers at the moment.
Kind of strange for an Italian place. Though just as I wrote that , they changed the music. Oh the irony.

This place is beautiful but it isn't that same without you.
I don't know what prompted me to take such a trip or what I had hoped to gain out of it.
I guess I wanted to re live some old memories; some of the best I've had.


Ones that I will carry with me for a lifetime (I hope). This will always be "our place" in my heart... and in my stomach :)

Little did I know the moment I met you and stepped onto that boat, my life would never be the same.

And as luck would have it, I happened to look down at my odometer to find a series of numbers to make a wish to; that is something I have never stopped doing.

I wished for you. Always.
I love you and I miss you terribly.
I hope you are happy and doing well.

Cheers,
"Jill"