Gasping for air

Dear Joe,

Ever have one of those days where everything you see reminds you of something of your past, that you hold so dear to your heart, everywere you turn... there is something there to throw you right back to that moment in time? or give you a painful reminder of what you miss so much?

That was my day yesterday.

It started with a friend of mine who wanted my personal opinion of her blog before she was to publish it. She valued my insight as she is a big fan of one I was doing for a school project. I was honored and obliged to take a peek at it.

What are the odds that her blog template background is the very one I used for THIS blog?
I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. It took me a few minutes to try to focus on the words she had written rather than the fact that she used the same image as I did. It's not like this was one I created myself; though I wish I did and was that creative. It is a public background template, I haven't seen it used by anyone else that I personally know. It was a definite surprise.
And Yes, I thought of you. Because of my letters to you.

Then I spent the day in Half Moon Bay at the ocean where I found a restaurant called "Joe's". I drove by it getting to the beach but after I was done, I had to stop in and get some dinner before I ventured home.
I miss taking pics of you standing by random places with your name posted.

The next time I am out that way, I will snap a pic and post it here for you. I would have done it last night but I was in a hurry to get home. I hate driving Devil's Slide at dark... scares the hell out of me.

Of course, while driving I notice in inornate amount of people with Oregon License Plates as well as University of Oregon stickers on their cars.

So many times I wanted to pull over and just cry my eyes out... it felt like I was gasping for air.
I know I deserve all this and most likely more. Most people never get to witness "what goes around, comes around"... and maybe you may not think this is the equivalent but I have never felt so much pain in my life.

I know you haven't either until you met me, and every day I pray that pain is lifted from you permanently. That you heal 100% from it. Because you deserve it.

I don't. I don't ever think I will.

Love,
"Jill"