Happy Easter

Dear Joe,

Happy Easter!

Love,
"Jill"

Best of both worlds

Love,
"Jill"

National You Day

Dear Joe,

Did you know you had your very own day aside from your Birthday?

Today is that day :)

Happy You Day!

Love,
"Jill"

Mistakes

"The first degree of stupidity is to think only of the present and of bodily wants." - Voltaire


I am the first to admit I have made some dreadfully stupid decisions in my life.
 Sadly, a lot of them have to do with my choices with men.
 I have been the abused, and the abuser, more times than I care to recount. But I'm here now -- attempting to break the cycle by not giving in to the willy nilly of the moment, and focusing on what I want in my life for the long haul.

And so it makes it hard to see a friend making decisions that are pushing him down my same well-worn, destructive path. I tried every tactic I knew to try stop him, but I may as well have been trying to find a cure for cancer with only a Pez dispenser, a hawk feather, Magic 8 Ball, and a Slinky.
 It just wasn't happening.

Reminds me of a silly Facebook status I posted the other day:
Learning from your own mistakes is the biggest mistake you can make. Carefully observe the stupidity of others and learn from theirs instead. After all, there are plenty from which to choose!

Unfortunately, it's just a silly status update - we, for whatever reason, choose not to learn from others. We make our own mistakes. And just as I have made mine, and finally learned, so, too, shall he.
I hope. Before it's too late.

Love,
"Jill"

Star Wars

Dear Joe,

I was sent the above pic only because it was "surf themed" but of course, who do I immediately think of?.. You

It certainly is an odd one but I had to share it with you.

Found a few more Star Wars photos for you and then crawled out from under my rock to find out that they are releasing yet another movie. Supposedly with some of the original cast (this should be interesting).

If that happens, *Brace Yourself* I will actually go see that in a theater.

Willingly, lol



Slave Leia will always be my fav though.. I had fun dressed as her for Halloween one year :)
Froze my ass off in the process...

Happy Monday

Love,
"Jill"

Choice or Chance?

"So my friend's Facebook status tonight read:

You don't fall in love by choice, its by chance. You don't fall out of love by chance, its by choice.
And it made me think... so here I am.
I think many of us who undergo a heartbreak hold on to the pain. Lord knows I have... but once we make the choice to let go of it, we open ourselves back up to the chance of finding love again. This blog has been my conscious decision to fall out of love, and to learn how to accept that as part of the cycle of life. And in doing so, I have found happiness.


Lao Tzu's secret for getting things done consists of three steps:
1. Acting without acting on,
2. Working without being worked on,
and
3. Accomplishing without ever having to struggle.
In essence, he is saying that we need to be part of the processes in motion rather than working against the process. By making the choice to fall out of love with someone who is no longer a healthy part of your life, you are flowing with the river of life instead of swimming upstream.

Thanks Tina, for making me think tonight."

This is one of those blog posts I can completely relate to and wanted to share...

Falling out of love with someone is easier said than done. It took a while to get to that point in the relationship so it is only natural for it to take time to fall out of.

I personally have a hard time letting people go, no matter who they are to me. Unless they are people that have made my life a living hell... Those I usually push out with a vengeance. There are maybe 2 people I can think of that fall into that category.

To this day, I miss my best friends "Cheryl", "Mike", and of course, You.

I still have pictures in frames of you and I, and one of just you. I know that it is counterproductive to letting go but something inside me is not ready. Its not that we keep in touch, because we don't. I haven't heard from you in months and I don't believe I ever will.

That alone should be reason enough to take the photos down and pack them away forever. The thought of that saddens me.

Maybe I'm afraid if I take that step, that it would be the final nail in the coffin? Not that you haven't already made that clear to me (you have).

That by clearing away those pictures solidifies The End and no chance for reconciliation?

Maybe I'm afraid that if I took them down and couldn't see them anymore that the memories would fade and eventually go away?

Sometimes it's the death of the memory that scares me. And most of the time, I made them out to be more than they actually were. It's like I wanted to change the story that has already been written, published, set in stone.

I know that in doing all of that, I would be taking a huge step in the right direction. There is no future with someone that does not want to be with you and treats you as such.

I don't need this pointed out to me. I have 20/15 vision.... it's my heart that can't see clearly at times.

So I guess for now... I take every day 1 day at a time and learn to let go a little each day.

I wish it was like ripping off a Band Aid. Quick and the pain only lasts a few seconds.

Instead, it is like ripping off stitches before they are ready to come out... a big gaping hole would be left.
That big gaping hole, right now for me, is left in my heart. Somehow some way I have to find a way to heal it.
Move on. Be Happy.
Just like you have.

Love,
"Jill"

Sunday Funny

Dear Joe,

I just thought I'd post a funny for you.

Happy Sunday

Love,
"Jill"

Held Hostage

Dear Joe,

Yesterdays excitement just left me exhausted... Though I have things to do today, I can't seem to get out of bed. I'm convinced I am being held hostage and forced to watch a marathon of "Little Britian".

Oh the hardship.

Eh Eh Ehhhh!

Love,
"Jill"

Pretty in Pink

Dear Joe,

*Sigh*  There she is .... in all her Pink Glory. Such a sight to behold :) and she's mine mine ALL MINE!!!!

I cannot tell you how dang excited I was to get to Proof Lab to pick up my pretty pretty pink board...
I'm fairly certain my car was giving me the "stick" (finger if it had one) because I was driving it like I was Danica Patrick or some shit... I think I kept it at about 85mph. Pretty standard for me really.

No, I have not changed in that department.

On the way there, I passed by yet another eating establishment with your name on it. I will have to take a pic the next time I am out that way and post it for you.

Of course I had to scout out the Chick Sticks paraphernalia while I was there. I spotted 2 boards hanging from the ceiling there so of course I had to take a pic!

and another... backside.

I must say the customer service at Proof Lab is seriously AWESOME!

I think they are my new favorite surf shop. Think of the excitement level when you would take me to the John Deere store.. Yeah, that level.

I had a "moment" when they brought out and unveiled my board... a collective gasp was heard around the town of Marin... I just know it *giggle*

Though interestingly enough, I got a shit ton of compliments on the paint design (mostly mine, TYVM) and one of the guys there was saying "Pink is the new Black".

Such a sweetheart :)
*someone buy that man a Cadillac*

I got to take a few pics of the fins being put on and was even offered to be able to do them myself. Nope.. I will let the pros do it... I would screw it up or break them I fear.

I had fun today, can't you tell?

They even had one of Andy Irons' boards on display (last one on the right) and a signed jersey.
RIP Andy Irons
*a favorite pro surfer that had died a few years back*

Don't get me started about all the clothing and goodies to be found there!.... Lord Jesus bless me with a winning lottery ticket... Momma needs a new wardrobe

So how does one with a 2 door car get a surf board home?.... Kook Style! Through the sunroof hahahaha

Oh yeah.. they see me rollin... they laughing ;)

Actually, my board is small enough (barely) that I can lay it down in the front seat so I was pretty happy about that. No racks needed!

and the best part of being a part of Chick Sticks?....

Lola spoils you rotten! Just love that woman <3

OK.. I need to come down off my day glo surf wax induced high and settle in for the night.

And maybe cuddle up to my board while watching a movie... Would that be weird?

Like I care! HA!

I miss you. Always.

Love,
"Jill"

I prayed for you today

Dear Joe,

I stopped by my church today to drop off flowers for the chapel and of course put in my Prayer Requests.

Always thanking God for the blessings I have & had, and asking for more. For myself and others.

I don't know if you had been in the Chapel part of the church... its my favorite place to be. I go there a lot actually. It is where I feel most at peace when things just seem to go haywire. Of course I prefer to be in there alone to pray in private but there are times when others are in there as well.

Still having a hard time with that whole "sharing" thing lol... Old habits die hard I guess.

Actually come to think of it, I don't think I ever took you back to the Chapel... I remember vaguely taking you to Sunday Service to get blessed by the priest before your trip overseas (can't remember where to), and to get your St. Christopher or Michael (cant remember that either)  medal blessed by him too. But I do remember you soldering the heck out of that thing so that it didn't fall off.
Me being incredibly superstitious (still am) and all. Thanks for indulging me on that there.

At the time, the church still had actual candles at the foot of the Virgin Mary in the front of the church. The Mary has since been moved, and now the "candles" are replaced with electric ones that are located in the chapel (rear of the church).

I lit one for you, praying for your health, happiness, and safety.

I'm fairly certain that 1/3 - 1/4 of that Prayer Book is filled with my prayers alone. Not all prayers for myself of course, but I would be lying if I said I didn't pray for you because I do. All the time.

I wish I could have stayed longer today but I wanted to beat the traffic home. I was semi successful with that but got home before it became nightmarish at least.

I just wanted to share this jibber jabber with you because for some reason when I went to the chapel today, I remembered the time I brought you there just before one of your deployments. How you were gracious enough to do that for me to give me some peace of mind.

I thank God that he didn't let me down, and that you returned home safe, alive, and in 1 piece.

I am forever grateful for that. And for the fact that you did that all for me.

God Bless you, and Thank You again.

Love,
"Jill"

Yes, Exactly

and not make the same mistakes.

Love,
"Jill"

Forgive Thyself

A Native American Blessing

"Forgive yourself my friend, you didn't know any better at that time in your life. But now you do. Forgive yourself and walk with what you learned from your experiences in your life that were bad and be a stronger individual. You are strong and that is why creator gave you such pain to carry because others weren't ready to carry it. But that pain is temporary and light always shines around the next corner.

With prayers and blessings.

Thank you all for being who you are."

~ Mitakuye Oyasin
Dear Joe,

The above passage was something that I found on my Facebook this morning that resonated with me.

I have been seeing things of this nature for quite a while now actually, so I guess its a sign that I need to start doing that for myself.

Problem is, I don't know where to start or know how. Here's to hoping I find the answer to those questions soon.

Love,
"Jill"

Happy St. Joseph's Day

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Joseph's_Day

http://www.catholiccompany.com/blog/a-glimpse-into-the-early-life-of-st-joseph

Dear Joe,

I know you aren't a devout practioner of prayer or religion (at least not that I remember) but I thought it was interesting that today is St. Joseph's Feast Day... and of course wanted to share that with you.

I know you would find the humor and irony in this.

Love,

"Jill"



Just Because

It made me laugh

Love,

"Jill"

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Dear Joe,

Saw these and thought of you.
I hope you have a great day!

Love,
"Jill"

Lunch with The Duke

Today I treated myself to one of my favorite dishes.... Beef Wellington *yum*

I had lunch at the Duke of Edinburgh while I was in the area and seeing as I had time to spare, I couldn't pass it up.

There is only one other place that serves Beef Wellington that I know of and I am not about to drive 3-4 hours in order to have it for dinner. That's just nuts.
*Harris Ranch of course*


Anyway, the place was as I remembered it back in 2002... deep red velvet flocked wall paper, with matching red velvet curtains, dark green carpeting, and deep cherry red upholstery.
Sadly, the cushions were even the same... sagging in the same places so I literally was being eaten alive by the seat I was sitting in.

They still had European soccer playing on one TV screen and the BBC (my fav) on the other.
To my delight, the BBC had reruns of "Little Britain" YAY!
 Today's lunch was just what I needed after the last few weeks of non-stop drama and hell.

I'm kind of glad that this place is a bit far from where I live as I would get sooo FAT and go broke within seconds of getting my paycheck. Today set me back $35.00 but I'm not complaining... It was well worth every penny.

If I had to change anything today, I would have liked my old co-workers to have joined me as it would be a bi-monthly ritual for my group (5 people) to "have lunch with the Duke".
It did bring back a bit of nostalgic feelings for which I just smiled on the inside and thanked God for those moments spent with great people over great food.

Though I thought of you as well today while I was there. Of course it wasn't Harris Ranch, but every time we ate there I ordered the same thing... the Beef Wellington.

I really think you would like this place... if not for the Wellington, for the Fish & Chips. It's always a toss up when I come here which one to get.

Decisions, Decisions...


Until next time....

Love,
"Jill"

Meet "Pinky"

Dear Joe,

Seems you aren't the only one who engages in dangerous hobbies.. Meet mine :)

My board is finally finished and will be on it's way to me next week. It was supposed to be here last Monday but the shaper missed the pick up time. No big deal... it's still cold here and I haven't received my wetsuit yet so I wont be braving the Pacific without one. Just gives me that much more time to stare at my pristine board before covering it in wax and sand.

And pressure dings... Wow, maybe I wont want to ride this one after all lol.

I have to take it to Pacifica and Santa Cruz at least. That would be a damn crime not to. Maybe even Carmel (got some friends down that way), though there have been some shark sightings and I don't feel the need to become a paraplegic or have my board look like a puzzle piece.

OK I'm going to shut up now before I talk myself out of surfing and into quilting or some less dangerous pastime.

Thinking of you always,

"Jill"



So Wrong but had to Share

.

Dear Joe,

I saw this and immediately thought of you for obvious reasons being the sport bike. And how close you get to the ground on the turns.. However, definitely not the Lion lol.

Again, so wrong but had to share.

Take care of your self and please be safe.

Love,

"Jill"

Found your socks

Love,

"Jill"

Almost Home

Dear Joe,

I don't have much to say today.. Nothing too terribly important to report aside from my surf board just about being finished and on it's way to me.

Apparently the paint job I somewhat designed (it didn't turn out exactly the way I asked for... the owner of the company wanted to take her boards in a bit of a different direction), was held onto for a little longer than thought and in the process is now the official Team Board paint job. I guess my co-creativity came in handy?

I think a few more will be churned out as a result :)

The traction pad was applied today and now all that is left are fins and a leash. Then the wait to pick it up at a lab near my house.
More waiting but it will be worth it.

Ironically, my wetsuit and booties came from Oregon Surf Shop. They have some good stuff there!

I hope you are doing well... I need to get back to packing, but thought I would take a few minutes to write to you.

Love,
"Jill"

Fall Together

Dear Joe,

I can only hope that this "puzzle" once put together becomes a beautiful masterpiece.

Love,
"Jill"

151515

Yep... I did. Again.

Wished for you

Love,

"Jill"

Declarations

and I'm doing just that :)



nor am I that person.

Love,

"Jill"

Special Delivery

Dear Joe,

A while ago while talking to my bestie, upon knowing about you, our history, and the situation as it is now, she had told me that she had found in her desk drawer at her new job, an airplane of all things.

She called me and was so excited about this little "find" of hers and said that she would send it to me. She felt that I would appreciate it rather than her tossing it in the trash can.

This was weeks ago that she had mentioned this to me so by now I had long forgotten about her offer.

That was up until last night when I went and checked my PO Box. Inside a padded envelope sent from PA I found this:

And Yes... that is the blanket you made for me years ago. It is one of my favorites.

I just might grab a sharpie and write your name below the cockpit for giggles :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you.

I hope you are doing well and know you are missed.

Love,

"Jill"

Lost

 Dear Joe,

It seems tears are the only words my soul knows these days... I miss you.
Always.

Love,
"Jill"

It's my heart

it breaks for you... still.

Love,
"Jill"

Clinkey Drinkey

Dear Joe,

TGIF! This week seems to have just gone by with the speed of a handicapped turtle. But I'm sure glad it is over.

I have the luxury of spending a "Happy Hour" out in Half Moon Bay with a gorgeous view of the ocean.
And a glass of Spätlese.

I had to buy a bottle just to bring home as it was the wine that you introduced me to, and the one we would always get at the base. I believe I still have a cork or two that I saved and a cork screw that has seen better days.

The only thing that would make this perfect is if you were here having a glass with me.

Cheers!

Love,
"Jill"